Wednesday, June 25, 2008

my worst fears realized

So, by now it should be apparent that I have some pretty irrational fears. Fear of swallowing a spider in my sleep, fear of drowning in the ball pool at Chuckie Cheese (or IKEA), fear of waking up to find I've been transformed into a giant cockroach (see Gregor Samsa via Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis"). But my most gruesome of attainable fears was realized last night when the cottony swab of my Q-Tip dismounted its plastic shaft and became lodged in the primary opening of my right-side hearing device. 

It's the closest I've come to fainting, outside of those two times I actually fainted. 

Just like that, I was made deaf and left staring at the stripped, blunt end of my now, half-naked, Q-Tip. Immediately, my head began to swim with long-lost fragments of ill-composed Biology notes and questions I could not answer: What will happen if I can't get it out? Will it eventually reach my brain? Where the hell is my Semi-Lunar Canal and shouldn't it prevent this sort of thing from happening?!

For a bit, I even had a brief spell where in mental time-lapse I witness the stinking, rotting decay of the cotton swab within my inner ear where it would remain trapped until being eaten by scavenger ear creatures. It's hard to relate clearly what happened next.  Something took over. I must have (with head leaned drastically to the right) unearthed a tweezer and went to work on the matter with little regard for decency. When I awoke I was sitting on the bathroom floor tearing with nervous excitement, examining the surprisingly clean white devil. 
Needless to say, I decided to forgo cleaning my left ear. 

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

let's get up to speed, shall we?

So, I start blogging in 2005 not because I had anything particularly important to say, but mainly because it was easier to write it somewhere and have other people read it than it was to force people to listen to me in social settings. The blog was on Myspace, which was fine, but since I have long outgrown the joy of endangering myself for social gains, I have upgraded to Blogger (Yes, I think it's classy too.)

But don't be concerned, you can put a homeless man in Louis Vitton and he'll still dig up french fries from a trash can. I say that to say that even housed within the more elegant Blogger solution the quality of my writing is not likely to improve. It may -since you brought it up- decline under the pressure.

Anyway, I'm about to post a number of blogs previously posted on Myspace just so that I can catch you up on all the useless thoughts I have been thinking. They will look like as if no one has read them, which is true, but know that they were from a time and place forgotten and that starting from this post, the madness begins again. Just think of all the dumb things yet to be writ.

O.K. I think that's all from me. Happy reading.

Your mostly melancholic observer of life, Nita.